I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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