Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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