Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
