the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
