In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
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Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize