I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
