but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
