You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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