I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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