you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
