At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
