JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
