When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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