I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
