she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
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We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
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My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night