I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Houston, we have a blender
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
