I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.