my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There r osticjed everywhere
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
