I cannot find my penis.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
