Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
