tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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