I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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