shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
