i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
