Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
