Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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