you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
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I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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