Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
