i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
