so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
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i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
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you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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