Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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