I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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