please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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