She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
