there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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