i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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