this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we're making bets on your personal life
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
