You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
