I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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