ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
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