College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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