please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
