i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
