i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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