Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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