Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
