Pappa wants mamma naked
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
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i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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