dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
