The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
