I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I need a beard to bite.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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