dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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