I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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