i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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