I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize