We won't sleep together?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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