I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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