xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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