I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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