Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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