May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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