I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
