Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
