My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
