Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
