I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
