and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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